The Love Boat

Where Isaac serves more than just drinks.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Afternoon Internet Wanderings

Keeping you distracted with the most random assortment of crap that the world wide web has to offer.

Even with all the In an Out's, California is still the 10th skinniest state in the country.
- Fox News

A way to avoid watching ESPN to get your sports news!

Hopefully you don't have young kids who are scared to see Batman...
- RottenTomatoes

Manny Ramirez gets fined for striking out to the greatest closer of all time.

Let's see you do this Candace Parker.
- Youtube

Oh boy I can't wait to see Justin Timberlake try to be funny and Jimmy V's speech 23423 times.
- Pictures via Balls Don't Lie

Stephon Marbury has nothing on this guy.
- Home Run Derby

A Randomly Timed Update of the Tournament Formally Known as the British Open

"Open Championship" is right. Without Tiger, the British Open throne has been opened up for anybody and everybody. And I do mean anybody. Two of the guys at the top of the leaderboard are a 53 year old shark and a 36 year old snazzy sunglasses wearer, both back from the dead.

Remember Greg Norman? Yes, yes, that one old Australian dating that one tennis player lady. Apparently he found the fountain of youth while in the Bahamas for their wedding three weeks ago. No word on whether he found the internet there as well. He's been even par in both rounds, having two of the tournament's, at the moment, 13 rounds of 70. As hard as it is to believe, this grandpa may be the favorite right now. The two major wins of his career have both come at the Open Championship. Both times the runner ups he beat into the ground were British guys. I don't know why that's important, but it just amuses me to see British chaps lose at the British open.

Oh, at the moment, David Duval, who I am officially dubbing "The Mummy" for his come back from the dead routine, has fallen into a 7 way tie for third place at +2. That leaves the visor wearing K.J. Choi in a tie for second place with the Spiderman.

Some other notable names at that 2 over mark are Jim Furyk, Robert Allenby, and everyone's new favorite lovable, chubby loser, Rocco Mediate. That's right Phil Mickelson, the 8 over golf you've been playing thus far in this tournament, and your 8 major streak of only one top 15 finish has made you too much of a loser for the people not named Rick Reilly to be a fan anymore. Nobody likes salmon that much anyway.

John Daly is currently at +25. He's in last place.
Danny Chia had the worst round of the tournament so far, an 87 today. That's Tony Romo level.
David Horsey has the coolest name in the tournament.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Playoff Contenders Snag Big Bats To Push Them Over The Edge

Two big hitters were acquired today by the Yankees and the Diamondbacks in an attempt to fill a need for power sluggers that could help their chances at making a strong playoff push.

Barry Bonds? Mark Texiera? Try Tony Clark and Richie Sexson.

Yep, that's right. Watch out NL West and AL East. Two sub-.250 hitters with a combined 12 home runs and 41 RBI's are about to help their teams dominate.

I live in San Diego. Clark is horrible. We let him go because a guy who has taken 8 years in the minor leagues to get a steady major league spot was outperforming him for a lot less money. He seems to be a clubhouse leader and a quality guy, and I'm sure he'll help his old DBacks with chemistry. They better hope he's like eHarmony to their team though because he won't be helping them much with his bat.

I can't speak for New York though. The only possible reason why Steinbrenner would pick up Sexson is because he wanted to put the Barry Bonds talk to rest. Well Hank, I have to say, you probably affirmed that you weren't going to sign Bonds as your power bat by signing Sexson as your power bat instead. The only problem is that Sexson isn't a power bat anymore. Or an average bat. Nice one Hanky.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Chase Utley Is My Hero

Chris Mottram thinks Yankee fans are awesome. I think Chase Utley would disagree. (language)

Who does he think he is? No one escapes the wrath of New Yorkers. They tossed threats at Jonathan Papelbon's pregnant wife. You're an opposing player. You should be thankful you weren't put in a body bag and thrown off the top of the Empire State Building.

So Many Ways To Bag On The All Star Game, So Little Time

During the ninth inning of the All Star Game yesterday, I planned to write this article about how pathetic Fox Sports's performance was in covering Mariano Rivera's entrance at Yankees Stadium, the moment that was excitedly anticipated all week, and was pushed out of the way for some animated lizards advertising an energy drink. A few innings later, I realized that in the end, that moment meant nothing anyway because the batting was so porous that Rivera's appearance ended up being meaningless.

It was then that I changed my game plan to a breakdown of how bad Dan Uggla's night was. But then the alleged best baseball players the American League has to offer hit into three straight ground outs with the bases loaded.

By the end of the game, I was all set to discuss how much I wanted to light Frank Sinatra's music on fire by the end of the night.

It was at this point in time that I realized that there were so many cringe worthy, craptastic aspects of this years MLB All Star Game that I might as well combine them into one nirvanical blog post.

This time it counts...

The pregame show was possibly the worst piece of television programming I have ever seen. I do not consider the coverage of a parade where pitchers and their wives get threatened and legendary old timers get interviewed a "show."

The player introductions were complete shenanigans. Do these old all-timers really enjoy having to stand out on a field for an hour while their names get called and cheered? We already respect them. They get enough honor. Yes I understand that it was Yankee Stadium, and it was historical, and all that jazz, but seriously, these dudes are like 70 years old. You're gonna hurt their backs making them stand out their for such a long time just for a meaningless ceremony.

This bull crap about the starting pitchers only throwing two innings is nonsense. You complain about having to put guys in the game that just pitched on sunday, but then you pull starting pitchers who consistently go seven or eight innings just because you want to let everyone play. This isn't little league. The honor of the All Star Game is to be selected for it, not to play in it.

- Positivity Alert - Yogi Berra is hilarious. People have fallen in love with Charles Barkley lately. Yogi blesses the world with ten times more funny quotes than Barkley does. Plus he's unbelievably short. That alone is just comedic gold.

Are the best pitchers in baseball that much better than the best hitters? Seven runs in 15 innings. That's embarassing.

How in the heck did America vote Corey Hart into the game over Ryan Howard who leads baseball in home runs and leads the NL in RBI's? Hart swings like a stinking pitcher. Actually, most pitcher's swings look better. He was horrible.

Guess what else is horrible? Dan Uggla's game. Three strikeouts. Three errors. A double play in the 10th with runners on first and third and only one out. Aaron Cook probably wanted to drop kick Uggla when he almost blew the game for him with two errors behind Cook's pitching.

The coaches probably wanted to drop kick the hitters too. 3 for 28 with runners in scoring position. From All Stars. Apparently they just didn't think that "This time it counted" on the 25 other opportunities.

Russell Martin should have been the MVP. He was a part of the two most memorable plays in the game with two of his scoops and tags at home plate.

Bud Selig should have called the game a tie in the 10th or whenever like he did in 2002. I can't believe I just said that.

Yankee fans are ridiculous. I have a feeling that they would have rather had Papelbon blow the save than the AL win the game. Actually, then they would have realized what happened and started to boo Jonathan. They just seemed so confused on whether to boo people because they weren't Yankees (i.e. racial slurs at Ichiro, threats at Papelbon's pregnant wife) or cheer them because they were on the team that could get the Yanks home field advantage in the World Series. Just look at this clip of how they reacted after JD Drew's home run. First cheers, then jeers.

Props to Tim McCarver, for once. You stayed awake the whole game. I predicted you'd be out in the 12th.

Joe Buck, after watching that game on Tuesday, I now understand why you don't like or care about baseball anymore.

Finally, the commercial breaks went as long as this blog post has run. The broadcast was coming back on right before pitchers were releasing the ball. Absurdity.

I don't care if it counts. Make it entertaining next year MLB people.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Mayo Is Smothering The Summer League

You guys got lucky. That was the headline with the least amount of cheeseballiness. You have no idea how crazy OJ's name makes sports writers and bloggers. And that's just his name. His game is candy to us little kids too.

The other summer leaguers might disagree, but what he is doing this July on the hardcourt is just awesome. He was the first lottery player to sign a shoe deal, and he's also the first lottery player to make the rounds on youtube.

Three of the best plays of the this year's summer league season come from Mayo.

He troll stomped Hilton Armstrong on this dunk.

He was "sick!" in the words of this age confused, terminology challenged play by play guy on this reverse lay in.

And he scored from 69 feet out (thank me for sparing you from another cheesball headline) on Monday night. *Update-Got A Video For This*

Of course, Mayo mentioned that, "After practices recently, we have been practicing half-court shots." So really this madness is just common practice for this guy who is bringing fame back to the OJ name. Mr. Simpson, go thank this man.

Tour de France: I'm Here To Help

Hey Cycling, 93 percent of ESPN's sportsnation says they don't care about your largest event.
89 percent of the international voters said they don't give a crap about your super bowl.
There were more Josh Hamilton bombs on Monday night than people I know who have watched one bit of cycling since the race started on the 5th of July.

You need some support. I'm here to give it. In cute, nicely organized list form even!

1. Get rid of the yellow jersey. That's right, get rid of the yellow. When a cyclist wins a stage, they should be given a challenge not a bright piece of fabric. Stage winners should have to wear pads. Full on football pads. Football is America's favorite sport. America is the biggest market. Please the customers.

2. Put the biggest star in the tabloids. Look around. Tom Brady and Tony Romo are on newstands. A-Rod is causing a media frenzy. Christiano Ronaldo is always a tabloid target. The biggest stars of the biggest sports get followed by the paparazzi, cycling needs to jump on board. Perhaps the difficult part of this plan would be to find someone in the sport who actually could be considered a "star." Can you even name the best professional cyclist in the world? Can you even name a professional cyclist in the world?

3. Make it a contact sport. Remember this? Ya, it was on SportsCenter last December. Now tell me what other cycling picture you have ever seen on the World Wide Leader. I hear those crickets. Nascar allows bumping. And it's the fastest growing sport in the country. Accidents draw viewers. People can't turn away from train crashes. They can turn away from the current cycling races...

4. Get Chris Berman on the broadcasts.
Oh my bad. Attract fans to the sport not away from.

5. Get Erin Andrews on the broadcasts. Awww, this is better.

Miss USA Shows The World What America Is All About

I forgot to mention this in my very first post.
I also love posting youtube videos and commenting on them and passing them off as legitimate blog posts. You sports fans are just so gullible like that.

That's the way Crystele Stewart, model, motivational speaker, and athlete from Texas! Represent us with pride!

Wait, she's a model? That's one of the approximately three things in a model's job description, to know how to walk. I can confidently guess that Miss Stewart has never been the Employee of the Month at her agency.

This happened last year too. Miss USA at Miss Universe contest, falls on butt, humiliates a country. If Miss China did this they would shoot her.

Let's just hope that all of our American representatives in worldly competitions don't do this poorly. Do you hear me Michael Phelps?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Oh Hot Dog. This Is My Blog.

Keeps you partying like a club hog.

Yes I just dropped a Flo Rida reference. In the very first post on this sports blog. A sign of bad things to come? Maybe so. But I wouldn't be too worried. I hate Flo Rida. Just like I hate all stupid, made-for-club, hip pop music. The song was just stuck in my head people. I hate hip pop as much as I hate the Raiders, Bud Selig, and paying 9.50 to see Eddie Murphy act as 9 different characters on my Friday nights.

My distaste for this crap is as gargantuan as my love for Ping Pong, Ladainian Tomlinson, and making fun of pretty boy, successful NFL quarterbacks.

Yes I'm being personal, but isn't that what blogs are about? For the readers to know the writers as well as Peter King knows Old Bretty Boy Favre? Yes? That's what blogs are about? Yes! They are what I thought they were!

I normally waste my time that should be spent on something productive following the sports teams in San Diego.

Lupe Fiasco is a genius.

I have an east coast bias, meaning I'm biased against the east coast because it sucks and the Pac-10 owns it up and the Yankees can go die and all that jazz.

I like Around the Horn and Pardon the Interruption.

Don't worry though, I hate Jay Marriotti and think Bill Plashke is a bumbling fool.

I can't figure out why Skip Bayless has a job. I also can't figure out why First Take always pairs him with a black guy, even when the best name they can get on the show is Nelly. A rapper. Who was on the program this Monday morning.

Fred Smoot is a baller.

Jim Murray is my hero. Bill Simmons and Matthew Berry are not funny. I think Rick Reilly is great, but is falling off his game, and Gene Wojciechowski is enormously underrated.

Sportscenter is too long and filled with too many ads, fluff, and cuteness.

This blog post was too long and filled with too many lame jokes.

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